"One more think you did for me: you left, and I had to get through it. I have learnded this year that my ability to handle what happens to me greatly exceeds my expectations. I thought I would die if you left me; I had this idea that I would crumble, that I'd have to go live with my mom and curl up in bed for months. This is so untrue, and I have amends to make to myself for thinking so little of my strength.I did cry a lot and then have some wild times, but I used the loss of you to write the best play of my life so far; I learned about men and made deep and lasting friendships; I found support and just got the fuck through it, through something I really thought would destroy me. I t really was my greatest fear, that you would leave; that's why I didn't listen well when you kept saying you hated being married and wanted out. I couldn't hear it because I was too scared of it. I'm sorry about that. But once your greatest fear happens, you never have to have it again. You gave me that, that freedom from the fear of being left, and the calm of knowing that other people cannot make the world a sade place for you; I never have to expect that from anyone again, and be hurt and terrified when it doesn't happen...I'm not saying that in my book what you did is okay or whatever. I'm not sure at all that I forgive you. But it has given me strength and focus and a sense of myself that I have never had, and I am so grateful for that."
